February

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The light has changed hasn’t it? Oh Spring is upon us. I call February hump month, it’s that last month of pure winter, once you get through February, spring is just around the corner. Up here in the north we still have a ways to go. I envy those whose spring starts in March, ours really doesn’t start until May! The snow takes awhile to go and the nights take awhile to be frost free.

The light has changed though, and that alone shifts my mood, I feel more energized, eager to be outside with my hands in the dirt. I want so badly for spring to come, I can feel it is close, and yet I look outside at the snow and realize that I am getting ahead of myself.

I remind myself I must still be patient, gardening right now would be counter-productive to say the least. For now I wait, I knit to pass the time, knowing my needles will be left alone all Spring and Summer. Once April rolls around, I will be busy starting plants, cleaning up my yard, adding compost to my beds, and preparing for summer. For now I can dream about my garden, order seeds, walk in the sunshine and savor the last stretch of winter.

February does hold a place in my heart as I was born in February. I turn 32 this year, and as my birthday came and went, I contemplated where I have been and all I have accomplished. It is so easy to get stuck in all we have done wrong, or what we regret, but I choose to focus on what I did right – or more importantly – how I contributed to life, how I have loved, grown and learned.

I am proud of myself, and it is hard for me to say that, but I am. I am proud of how I have risen to the challenge of being a mother, how I have allowed my children to teach me to be a better person. I am proud of the changes I have made to my diet, to my habits, to my thinking. I am proud that I have not given up, that I have been a friend to myself and learned to love myself.

This last decade has been an immense transformation for me. I have become a wife and a mother, have learned to cook and clean, have taught myself to knit and garden, and have overcome fears. I am so very thankful for my life and for the time I have to contemplate my life.

I thank Winter for that, for the forced hibernation it brings and the deep introspection it fosters.

Now bring on Spring!

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